he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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