im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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