I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
