You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
