It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
