he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
