remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
