She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
