Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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