Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
