Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
