I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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