He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
