Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
