We're facebook friends in real life
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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