turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
