We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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