I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
whose ass print is on the piano?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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