Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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