38 yer olds are good kisserssss
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
