my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She even gives head with a lisp.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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