He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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