Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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