I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
