So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
