I just made out with a guy for $7.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
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