I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
