WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Randomize
