I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
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