you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
