turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
