Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
