what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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