I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
