She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
