why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
