So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
