You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
