Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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