Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
God I need to hump something, right now.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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