Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
