a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
