i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
