You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
