And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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