Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
