Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
