Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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