it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
