I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
