you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
