dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
