I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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