Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
