Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You were trust falling into bushes
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
